At The Deep End Outtakes and Drabbles
by naelany
Summary: outtakes and drabbles for At The Deep End. Various POV's.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This was written as a birthday present for **Annanabanana**.  
I decided to try my hand at drabbles, so **SorceressCirce** gave me five prompts and beta'd this.  
As it turned out, they are all JPOV, and this is a bit of post-camp/pre-reunion,  
spanning about two years or so, from "At The Deep End."  
I hope you enjoy it.

Happy Birthday, Anna!

* * *

**Regret**

People walking into the cafeteria - friends greeting their families after weeks apart.

I'm one of them, and I put on a smile as I hug Momma and Rose, giving Daddy a short salute as always, before he gives me a brief hug.

I see coppery hair moving closer, and I turn to him, shaking my head. Regret and shame eat at my insides as I see a lone tear fall down his cheek.

I want so badly to go to him, to hold him close, to kiss him, to apologize for hurting him as I'm so obviously doing.

**Hope**

All through dinner Momma asks me questions about camp, and I answer quietly - afraid that she will pick up on Edward.

Pick up on what happened.

On how I've changed.

Rose watches me all night but doesn't say anything, and I'm filled with hope that my secret is safe. That it will always be just that - my secret to keep locked away in my heart, buried so deep that no one can see.

Because if anyone did...if Daddy ever found out...

I close my eyes, taking a slow, deep breath as I try to look forward.

**  
Fingertips**

Soft, teasing touches flutter over my skin.

Barely there brushing of fingertips cause me to shiver in delight. I moan softly, aching for more - wanting for something I had once upon a time. Something I can never have again.

A tightening in grip, a change in pace, gentle pressure applied _right there_, and I'm soaring again.

Tender caresses draw out prolonged pleasure - though somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder how it is possible to feel like this again.

Closing my fingers around hers, I feel wrong because the hand holding me isn't his.

**Surf**

Sitting on the beach, I watch the surf roll in.

It's sunset, and my mind's adrift. It's been almost a year since camp, and I still haven't forgotten. I'm not sure I ever truly will.

All it takes is a glimpse of red hair, or green eyes, and I am transported - my body responding to remembered touches.

I clench my eyes shut, trying to will his hold on me away.

_I have to forget. Have to let him go - try to be..._

I sigh, opening my eyes as I whisper a prayer to feel right again.

**Street  
**  
Out on the street in a new city, trying to learn my way - again.

Another chance - though at what, I'm not sure.

To be normal?

Fit in?

Find myself again?

I'm not sure how, or that I need to. I've graduated high school, and I'm both thankful for it, and not.

Grandpa Hale passed away several years ago, leaving me a fund - and so much more. A future, an opportunity, and more questions to answer.

What path do I take?

Work, or school?

The road splits.

So many choices.

I look up and decide.

I go left.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** It's **EJSantry**'s birthday! I hope you enjoy your birthday drabbles!  
**SorceressCirce** gave the prompts and beta'd this.  
These are all EPOV from At The Deep End, spanning post-camp/pre-reunion.

Happy Birthday, **EJSantry**!!

* * *

**  
Swing**

I've been home for three days now and have barely talked at all.

Mom knows something's bothering me, but I just...can't. Every time I think of him, I want to curl up into a ball and cry, so I try not to think at all.

It doesn't work.

I'm on the swingset, just moving back and forth. It's as if this is the only place where my mind is able to let go, even just a little, my heart not quite so heavy as I'm able to remember happier days. Days filled with laughter, before...

**Blue**

_This is wrong! Can't do this...have to stop...God, so good...No! Wrong, have to...can't..._

My hands grasp strands of dirty-blond hair - trying to stop, to push harder, to pull away.

My eyes screwed tightly shut as I fight with myself.

The feeling of being swallowed, the tongue that's teasing me just right...so close.

Gasping, I tilt my head back and moan, losing my battle as I come.

I blink away tears as light blue eyes gaze up at me. _Not his._

Clothes back in place, he thanks me and steps out of the closet.

I remain - crestfallen and lost.  
**  
**

**Desk**

It's been two months since we moved, and I'm still getting used to Seattle-life. It's different, but I like it.

College started today; classes so far have been interesting. I get lots of looks, but I'm used to that.

Many things have changed in my life, except one. I'm still hiding, denying myself, trying to be what I'm not.

I ignore the looks of interest from men and women alike.

Class is about to start, and someone slips into the empty seat at my desk. I look up. She has brown hair and eyes, and she's smiling.

"Hi, I'm Bella."

**Bitter**

My knee is bouncing, my palms sweaty, and I feel like I could throw up. Again.

Mom and Dad's eyes raise goosebumps on my skin, but I can't make myself look at them.

Bella places a calming hand on mine, and I swallow the bile that rises, leaving a bitter taste.

With a nod, I look at Mom. My voice is scratchy, barely above a whisper as I finally utter the words that will either set me free or haunt me forever.

"Mom...Dad..." My eyes flicker between them as I take a deep breath and plunge forward. "I...I'm gay."

**Lime**

The team's standing around me. Bella holds up a bowl of lime wedges and one with salt, while Emmett pours me a shot of tequilla.

As I lick my hand and sprinkle the salt, they start singing "Happy Birthday." I slam down the shot, pulling a face, causing some of them to falter. I quickly suck on the lime, vowing _never_ to drink tequila again. _Gross! _

But it's tradition.

As is the birthday-kiss.

I smile as he pulls me closer, his brown eyes gazing into mine. For a moment, I'm lost as his lips press to mine.

"Happy twenty-first, babe."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Happy Birthday, _**Mynameisserendipity**_. I hope you like these drabbles from ATDE; they're all RosePOV. I thought you might enjoy them. Thank you so much for all your hard work on translating ATDE into French. You are truly a gem.  
_Bonne anniversaire, ma chere!_

Thanks to _**SorceressCirce **_for the prompts and for beta'ing these drabbles along with _**kimberlycullen10**_.

As usual, I do not own Twilight. Well, maybe a copy of the DVD. Okay, not maybe... ;-)  
**  
**

* * *

**Confusion**

I watch him as Momma asks him about camp. Did he have a good time? Did he learn anything new? Did he make any new friends? He answers each question quietly, but at that last one, he blushes faintly.

I frown, puzzled as to why he's being so...timid. He had been looking forward to going for months - years, even - yet now it seems as if he would have rather it hadn't happened.

I can't help but wonder what changed for him, because something obviously has. Even if Momma and Daddy don't appear to notice, I do.

I always do.

**Distance**

Jasper comes home late again. It's been years since camp, and I know he's been seeing a girl. She appears to be a sweet thing, Hispanic, petite, friendly. They look good together, and I can't help but wonder if maybe she's the one.

Judging from the look on my brother's face as he comes up the stairs, though, I realize I was mistaken.

We won't be seeing her again. He's looking to find that spark, and not finding it, he pushes each woman away, as always.

I can't help but wonder if he'd even recognize it when he had it.

**Smile**

_Finally!_

I watch from the crack at my door as Jasper sneaks up to his room after his date. There's a bounce in his step, a smile on his face – one unlike any I've witnessed gracing his lips. I can just see the blush on his cheeks as he walks past my room, not seeing me. I let him walk quietly by, granting him this moment of bliss he obviously is feeling right now.

As he goes into his room, I silently close my door, whispering, "Thank you, Lord."

He's found his light at last, and his name is Edward.

**First**

I gasp at the sight of him, my eyes roving his nearly naked body. Who could blame me? He's tall, built, and – judging by the bulge in his swimming trunks – hung.

From where I'm sitting, though, I can't tell much more other than that he looks as if he's walked right out of a wet dream. I'm determined to find out just how close to that he is. I bite my lip in anticipation of meeting him.

I glance at Jazz, feeling the blush rise on my cheeks as I catch his grin, and I roll my eyes at myself.

**Red**

"He is your _son!" _

I can't believe what I'm hearing, the vitriol my _own_ father is spewing about my brother, who thankfully isn't here to witness this – it would tear him apart, break him even further.

"I have no son! That fucking _fag_ is nothing but a black stain on the Hale name!"

I'm seething, my blood boiling with rage.

Emmett clears his throat, putting a calming hand on my shoulder. "Sir, with all due respect, you are full of shit. Jasper was your son yesterday, is today, and will continue to be so tomorrow."

We turn and walk away.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Since I haven't been able to write, I had _**SorceressCirce**_ give me a few prompts in the hopes of getting into the groove again. Took a while, but the end result is what you see below. Hope you'll enjoy getting into Momma Hale's head for a bit.

Thanks for the prompts and beta effort, _**SorceressCirce**_.

*********************

POV - Jasper's mom

**Cerulean  
**

I watch him as he asks if we can sit down to talk as a family. He says he has _someone_ he wants to introduce to us.

The cerulean of his eyes – mirrors of my own – shines brightly as he talks. I want to meet the person who's been able to make my son come so alive.

Tilting my head, I take in every tiny cue he conveys, though he doesn't realize it. I am a mother, after all.

I have a feeling I will get along with... him.

But I worry, knowing his father won't.

I nod, reaching out.

**Impact**

I hear Jasper's words, see the connection between them – apparent even from where I stand. Part of me wants to rejoice - he has found love. Finally.

Instead, I stand, waiting for the impact I know is coming.

I'm not left waiting long as his father lets loose. I turn away, unable to bear the pain coursing through me – the same pain I could see reflected in my son's eyes.

I know that things in this family will never be the same again. The bond is forever broken.

I pray that the shattered pieces of our lives can mend again.

**Wisp**

The door is locked, and I refuse to let him in, to talk to him. I hurt too much right now, unable to think – and I know I need to have a clearer head to even attempt to reach him. He's too mad now, anyway.

I sit on the loveseat by the window with Jasper's baby book balanced in my lap. I flip through the pages as my thoughts drift back through the years.

My fingers brush tenderly over the wisp of golden hair that's stuck next to a picture of his first haircut.

_My poor baby – my brave boy._

**Memory**

The memory of a long-forgotten argument comes back as I lie in bed, crying myself to sleep.

The venom he spewed upon finding out two of his subordinates were gay shocked me even then. He had always been a passionate man, old-fashioned, set in his ways. Once upon a time, those had been things that I loved about him.

Now, those very things have caused me to lose something precious to me. Something I may never gain back, for he would not allow it.

I learned long ago not to go against him when he was determined like this.

**Pretending**

He is being ridiculous – refusing to acknowledge what happened. Refusing to see the truth. Instead, he is pretending he doesn't have a son. _My_ son! And he is expecting me to do the same.

_My son!_

I want to be there for Jasper, to comfort him, but I'm scared.

I try to reason with my husband, try to make him see that nothing has changed. It's still Jasper - the son I gave him, the one he cherished above all else.

Or so I had thought.

He gives me a warning as he erases Jasper's message.

I take heed.

For now.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** A few more drabbles, in varying POVs. Prompts and POVs are courtesy of_** EchoesOfTwilight**_. They are in order of the story time-line.  
Thanks to _**SorceressCirce**_ and _**kimberlycullen10 **_for beta'ing.  
I hope you'll enjoy.

As always, Twilight is not mine.

* * *

**  
****Talisman - EPOV**

I held the small, innocuous piece of metal between my fingers. The uneven ridges bit into my flesh as my grip tightened.

The key in and of itself was innocent enough - the reason behind it, however, wasn't. I didn't know what he would say, if he would welcome the gesture. Would he be upset? Would he use it? Would he need to?

I closed my eyes briefly before holding it out to him. He watched me curiously as he opened his hand.

"Here, Jazz. I want you to have this...as a talisman, of sorts. I hope you'll use it."

**Ethereal - JPOV**

The first weak light of the day filters through the blinds, its rays dancing across his hair as he sleeps next to me. The way it reflects off the reddish-hued locks that frame his face gives him an almost ethereal look, making me pause in awe once more as I stare at him.

He's so peaceful in his slumber, and I find myself wondering yet again how I got so lucky as to have him love me.

My fingers gently trace the lines of his face - I can't seem to help myself. I smile as I watch him wake slowly.

**Resistance - RPOV**

He tells me that he's going to meet Edward's parents. He's nervous - excited, I think. I know this is a big deal for him. He thinks that Edward is nervous, too.

I convince him he needs to do something special, to have dinner with him and just be together tonight - to talk.

As I drag him out the door on our way to the grocery store, he offers me little resistance - it'd do no good. I'm going to help him prepare for this as best I can. He's counting on me, and I don't aim to let him down. Ever.

**Reeling - JPOV**

Too many hands holding me, punching me - knocking me down.

Too many words slung at me, meant to break, to weaken, to cause pain.

I don't understand why... Why me? Why now?

Everything seems to blur together, to the point where I don't even know where the fists are coming from or who is shouting at me anymore. It's all as one.

I try to fight back, only to get punched so hard in the ribs that the wind gets knocked out of me.

Again and again, they hit, kick, spit their ugly words.

I'm reeling, trying to hold on.

**  
****Gravity - EPOV**

I hear the words, but none truly register with me - my focus is solely on Jasper. The gravity of the situation is clear enough as I barely manage to wrap my arms around him before he slumps down, and I help him to the floor gently.

Jasper's broken plea cuts through me, but it is his father's acidic rejection of even the idea of Jasper as his son that hurts me most - because it hurts _him_.

I had so hoped that his fears would turn out to be baseless, but what is happening here...it breaks my heart. For him.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** It's _**Zigster**_'s birthday! I thought you might like to hear about the Wetboys some. The POV and prompts were given by _**Mynameisserendipity**_. Thanks to _**SorceressCirce**_ for beta'ing.

I hope you enjoy Bella's take on things.

As ever, I do not own Twilight. I just enjoy playing in the sandbox.  
******************

**Sail**

Alec has finally left - gone to who cares where.

I watch my best friend closely, hoping that he will bounce back to the way he used to be, but it is as if Alec's venomous words have taken the wind out of his sails.

It's been weeks, and he continues to hold a part of himself back. He claims to be fine. I can see the change in him, though, and it makes me ache for him.

I pray that, with time, he will open up again and his heart will heal.

He deserves to be happy, to be loved.

**Luggage**

"Jesus, Edward...you're worse than a girl when you travel!"

I watch in amazement as he runs his fingers through his hair, his eyes on the suitcase, carry-on, and another bag with God knows what in it.

He looks at me with annoyance and huffs. "Not my fault. A lot of this shit's business-related and then the conference for the club-"

I hold up my hands in surrender, shaking my head as I help him carry his luggage to my car.

As we drive to the airport, I ask him who's going to teach his classes.

"Don't know," he says.

**Collide**

As Edward tells me about Jasper - the mysterious Jazz from camp - I marvel at how his past and present now collide. I hold him, letting him talk everything out before I share my thoughts. I can hear the confusion, the want, in his voice as he speaks. I know he had never been able to really let go.

I pull back, looking at him. His eyes are full of emotion; fear, hope, pain, rejection, yearning - I see them all.

I sigh softly and wonder if maybe Jasper is the key.

"You know what you have to do; don't you, Edward?"

**Bubbly**

As I sit on the chair-and-a-half, I carefully balance my plate of lasagna on my knees.

Felix holds out a glass to me, grinning. "Here, Bells. Some bubbly for the birthday girl."

I blush, take the offered drink, and sip it slowly. "Thanks..."

He leans down and gives me a quick peck, right on the corner of my lips. I can feel the heat on my face increase as I glace around. No one seems to have noticed, everyone busily talking or eating.

His eyes are mischievous, and I narrow mine as I whisper, "You watch it, mister."

He grins.

**Whiten**

The first thing I see as we run into the alley is Jasper being held and beaten by five guys.

_What the fuck? __Goddamn cowards!__F__ive against one...__  
__  
_I turn to Edward as he exclaims, "Shit! Jasper!"

I see his face whiten at the sight before us, and for a moment, I wonder if he might faint; he looks so pale.

Emmett and Felix are already running to help Jasper. I join them once I'm sure Edward is alright.

It's over before it's really begun, and we're left licking our wounds.

"Motherfuck!"

I hold my hand to my chest, wincing.


End file.
